Janet and I just returned from a new few days in Las Vegas. Janet was there (along with her sister, Diane) to see U2 at the Sam Boyd Stadium, while I was there to enjoy Vegas (you know, poker and more stuff from the Ferrari Store in the Wynn). You may ask why I didn’t go see U2, and the answer is that I’d rather not give $250 to commie socialists (e.g. Hey Bono – shut up and sing, monkey boy!)
Anyway, it turns out that Sam Boyd Stadium is a good 10 miles off the strip, through city streets. The net result of that is that during rush hour it takes a good hour to get there from the strip. It also means taxis do NOT want to go out there – no fare for half the trip! Because of some rules (laws?) they have to take you where you ask – but that doesn’t mean they’ll come back to pick you up…
So, as you can imagine, a LOT (as in THOUSANDS) of people took taxis out to the concert. As you can also imagine, after the concert there were very few cabs waiting. Janet and Diane got out of the concert and said the taxi line was LITERALLY a mile long – and by “literally”, I mean that it actually was at least a mile long. Janet said taxis were coming up about one every 5 or 10 minutes. Which leads to a LOT of angry and anxious people really wanting to get back to the strip, and no one to take them.
Since I didn’t go to the concert, they called me and said they started walking toward the strip (which you could see way in the distance) with a few thousand of their closest new concert friends. They got to a gas station and then said to come pick them up. The plan was for me to get a taxi on the strip, then drive out and get them and come back. Not a huge deal (just a $60 cab ride since it was round trip). I found a taxi willing (and happy since it was a round trip) to go out there and was on my way.
Janet mentioned that we should be careful – people in the “U2 Concert Refugee Mob” were attacking cabs trying desperately to get back to the strip. She said they were like zombies and taxis were brains. I laughed. I told the cab driver and he laughed.
As we approached the gas station, we saw more and more refugees/zombies. They yelled as we passed, and when we went by, they cursed at us (seriously!). As we slowed to turn into the parking lot, the crowds around the street started toward us so the cabbie locked the doors, turned on the inside dome light, and I lowered my window a little bit so they could see the cab was occupied. None of this mattered to the zombies – they rushed the cab like it was brain matter.
We spotted Janet and Diane near the middle of the parking lot and slowed to let them in. As they were trying to get in, a zombie asked Janet, “Is this your cab? (i.e. living human brains)”. She said yes as they jumped in as quickly as possible. At the same time, a woman on my side of the taxi was screaming into the window “Are you going to the strip!? Are you going to the strip!?!? ARE YOU GOING TO THE SRTIP!!!” (* note, there is no question mark on her last sentence, because I’m pretty sure she didn’t want an answer – she just wanted me to unlock the door so she could eat my brains.) We unlocked the doors and Janet and Diane were able to jump in and lock the doors behind them. Immediately after we locked the doors, on Janet’s side, another guy/zombie was trying to open Janet’s door, and then the driver’s door. The driver was yelling “Sorry! This cab is full!”.
We locked the doors when the girls were in, and we headed for the exit. As we stopped to merge with traffic, even more zombies approached the cab yelling “Send More Brains!” (or maybe it was “Taxis”, but it could have been either). We took off and headed for the strip – feeling a little sorry for all those hungry zombies stumbling through the night looking for brains the strip.
The lesson I take away from this adventure is two-fold. First, never see U2. Second, when there are hundreds of people wanting your cab, you should be well armed and ready - because they come at you fast and non-stop! They’re willing to kill for your brains cab.